It’s time to stop kidding ourselves
Twin Flames are all the rage and everyone wants to find theirs. It feels like the mystical end all, be all of what you should be working towards in your love life. But instead of this idea creating harmony and connection between people, it often appears as the exact opposite. I don’t like the idea that love needs to be painful in order to be good for you. There are a lot of things about twin flames that don’t sit well with me. Particularly when I see people within the spiritual community capitalizing on this without considering the damage it causes people on an individual level.
My common sense tells me there are too many problems with twin flames for this to be a workable concept. I’m all for connections with others that help us reach our highest spiritual potential. But at a certain point we have to allow people’s actions to speak for themselves – without the overlay of twin flames justifying or excusing toxic behavior. I also dislike that this creates negative core belief systems when it comes to love and healthy interactions with others.
What are Twin Flames?
Before we tackle what’s wrong with the idea of twin flames, let’s talk a bit about what they are. Twin flames are defined as one soul that has been split in two. When these two halves come back together, it feels like we are finally “home.” Which is interesting because the relationship between both individuals in a Twin Flame dynamic tends to be marked by a lot of intensity and conflict.
This discord arises because each person mirrors the other. That means your behaviors, positive and negative, are constantly being reflected back to you. The premise behind this reflection is to help you grow spiritually as well as understand yourself better as a person. Many people mistakenly assign Twin Flame relationships solely to romantic connections. But the reality is they can be applied to friendships or other connections as well. The main objective of a Twin Flame relationship is to challenge you to work on your spiritual growth.
Here’s some of the reasons I call BS on Twin Flames Relationships
1. You don’t need a turbulent relationship in order to grow or show you where you need to do some work.
You can do self-growth or mindfulness work on your own anytime that you choose. There are plenty of books you can read, classes you can take and shadow work to explore. If you want to be more connected to yourself, it can always be done on an individual level. If you need assistance, a life coach or a licensed therapist is a much healthier option for personal growth and self-awareness.
2. Everyone is so desperate for a special connection that they label toxic individuals as twin flames in order to justify staying with somebody bad for them.
You see it all the time. Two people who are completely wrong for each other stuck in this never-ending emotional tug of war. Yet they continue to remain together even though the relationship is completely unhealthy. They’ll give you all sorts of justification for staying. None of which makes any rational sense. Sometimes our level of attraction or physical chemistry tricks us into thinking something is a twin flame connection. When really it’s just a cover for someone who is being emotionally abusive or manipulative towards you.
3. A twin flame or romantic relationship doesn’t guarantee your happiness.
We have been falsely programed to believe that romantic relationships are necessary for our personal happiness. It doesn’t help that movies, television and social media create unrealistic expectations of how to date and what a healthy connection looks like. Another roadblock to our success is that we don’t do the necessary work on ourselves before jumping into a relationship. This means our toxicity spills out onto the other person because we’re looking for shortcuts or spiritual bypassing. If you’re looking to create a special connection with someone, the first place you should look is in the mirror. Our external world is always a direct reflection of our internal one.
4. The concept of twin flames can create obsessive behavior.
When we decide someone is our twin flame, we can easily become fixated on getting them to be with us. On the low end, you may struggle to stop thinking about them and want to find something to say that gives you an excuse to reach out. Even after they’ve told you they don’t want you or have treated you badly. On the more intense side, people will drive by houses late at night, repeatedly text message someone who doesn’t respond or stalk them on social media. Our mind convinces us a twin flame is a special and rare connection we must cultivate at all costs. The idea overrides any practical or realistic roadblocks to the situation we find ourselves in. It drives us to insert ourselves in places we have no business being. This type of behavior towards someone who is already attached, unavailable or clearly uninterested does not make them a twin flame. It is also not an excuse to chase them or make them feel uncomfortable. Unfortunately, many individuals justify their feelings and actions by using this label.
5. Twin flames are away to help us avoid rejection.
People find themselves in relationships all the time that have outlived their usefulness or compatibility. By applying the concept of twin flames over this situation, it allows people to stay in a partnership way past its expiration date. It’s done as a failsafe because we prefer the current state of disharmony over being alone or feeling like someone doesn’t want us. This situation can also occur in the cases of those who are experiencing unrequited love. Assigning something a twin flame label is much less painful than accepting someone’s rejection or what we feel that says about us.
6. Most people have childish or unrealistic expectations of how relationships are supposed to work.
This one isn’t necessarily your fault. Society has given us a warped view of what relationships are supposed to look like. They take time and effort on both parts to cultivate. If you didn’t get to observe healthy adult relationships while you were growing up, it can add to the distortion. Not to mention that no one has really taught us how to date properly. So, we frequently end up in situations that aren’t right for us. Another setback is that too many of us have unreasonable expectations that cause severe disappointment once reality sets in. Using the concept of twin flames to further your misconceptions does not, and will not excuse inappropriate behavior. It’s simply a patch some people use to avoid doing the work.
7. You don’t need anyone else to complete you.
You are already a whole person by yourself! The concept of twin flames relies too much on the idea of needing someone else to complete you which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. You can give yourself a lot of the things you’re expecting someone else to give you. It’s also not anyone’s job or responsibility to make you more of who you are.
The idea of a twin flame completing you can be harmful on an individual and spiritual level. When things don’t work out – suddenly you have lost your “other half” which implies that you will never be whole again. Or that no one else will ever be quite the right match. It takes your breakup from a normal level of difficulty to one you feel as if you will never be able to recover from.
Where do you go from here?
If you’re someone who is struggling with reworking the concept of twin flames, here’s some points of consideration that might be helpful to you as you move forward.
• Focus on creating internal stability. Being on a spiritual path is about finding the connections you need within yourself. When we search for these externally, we are never really stable, whole or secure. Because outside circumstances can always change and create disruptions. But if we can give that grounding to ourselves internally, the outside world doesn’t have the ability to knock us around quite so much.
• Not every connection needs to be cosmic. As human beings we are driven to find meaning in every situation, even when there is none. Make sure you’re not over analyzing or projecting what you think is happening over what is actually happening.
• There’s no such thing as one true love. As a human you have the ability to fall in love with more than one person during your lifetime. You are compatible with many different individuals. Whoever you choose is the right partner for you. But not the only partner that things will ever go well with. If you have fallen in love with more than one person in your lifetime this concept of twin flames can instantly be debunked.